You are Beautiful my dear, So beautiful

The thoughts in the post have been swirling around in my head and heart for months, maybe even years. Not only do these thoughts resonate from my own life experiences and choices, but also from the many other loved ones in my life, as well as those who I do not know. I only know from a girls prospective on how it feels to not be beautiful, to not be good enough and to feel ashamed. I am sure guys struggle with this in their own way. The problem today is that as women we put way too much money on how guys think and look at us, especially on the outside. When we start realizing that it is not about us I wonder how much more beautiful on the inside and out we will start to feel? I know most of you would rather eat dirt and throw water balloons at me than to hear something on how "If God made us... we must be beautiful". I know, I get it. In times that I am ashamed and feel unloved.. that is not always a comfort to me. It is almost like saying.. well my mom loves me, or my mom thinks I am beautiful. Means a lot, but I mean... yah. I think everyone gets that.

This Tenth Ave. North song pierces my heart in so many different ways. I have been that teared stained girl huddled in a corner.. trying so hard to hide from everything that I have done and thought. Wondering, and pleading with God.. "How did I get here??" I have made myself feel un beautiful, unloved, and un wanted, as well as I have let others make me feel this way. Like the girl in the song.. I always know all the right answers, the rehearsed lines, I always know what to do.. but have been too weak to try. Do we really believe that the Spirit can lift us up? That He can work through us? To convict us, make us realize, and open my eyes.. to how it is not about what I have been done, but what has ALREADY been done for me and what can be done THROUGH me. To make me open my heart with arms wide open and shout out that : "I am MORE than the choices and mistakes I have made.. SO much more". We can not do it alone. When we try we get the world of shame, and brokenness that we have today. Let the Lord heal you today. Bring on the healing Lord no matter how many problems we... I create.

Another song was sent to me (by the person I love most in this world) that has not been able to leave my heart is by Mercy Me. As much as I don't like to hear it and it does not mean a lot at times.. I am the one He madly loves and chose to die for. You are that one. He madly loves you. We are treasured and scared to Him. We are so beautiful inside and out to him. As much as we all want that from a person in life (and we were made for some of that) the truth is EVEN if we have this in life.. if we don't have this with Him.. we will always have a hole in our life and we can never feel truly beautiful. No matter how much we feel unloveable, ugly, and broken.. we are loved. We will always be loved.. and we are made for SO much more. We are more than the lies we have allowed to be kept in our hearts. I pray so much for us to stop hurting each other, and stop allowing ourselves to spread hate and make people feel like they are not loved. As long as there are humans here.. it may never come to be. Which is why we have to change something in our hearts, and realize that no matter how much people step and trample on you... we are still beautiful. Beautifully and wonderfully made. It should not just be a man who has to seek God because our hearts are so close to God.. it should be the whole world. All I know is that even though those around me have given up on me and betrayed me, and even though I betray myself... God has not given up on me. He has not forgotten the plans He has for each of us. Lord, let that be enough. Let us feel beautiful.. so beautiful and loved in you. In Your arms. You won't relent until you have it all... why should I Lord? My heart is yours. Heal our souls, and heal our hearts. I want to be known for my beauty on the inside... I want it to shine out. My heart hurts for all those who feel so ugly and ashamed of themselves. My heart also hurts and pains for the role that the "church" has played in this as well. The way so many have been shunned and thrown out for their mistakes. As jumbled up as my thoughts are.. You are beautiful my dear, so terribly, wonderfully beautiful.

"You really won’t understand your life as a woman until you understand this: You are passionately loved by the God of the universe.

You are passionately hated by his Enemy.

And so, dear heart, it is time for your restoration. For there is One greater than your Enemy. One who has sought you out from the beginning of time. He has come to heal your broken heart and restore your feminine soul."

- "Captivating" -John and Staci Eldridge

MercyMe - Beautiful (Official Music Video). Watch more top selected videos about: MercyMe

Beauty in the Darkness

SO.. I know I posted this to my profile and other places several times... but how could I not post it here too! I have been trying to spread this beauty around to all. I feel so strongly that it needs to be seen! Christians protecting the Muslim protesters in Cairo. Thank you!! I know so many are tired of talking about what has been happening in Egypt, everyone has moved on. I understand that. I have been there. Does not make it right. Does not necessarily make it wrong either. I know everyone thinks that I can't get it out of my heart and mind because of my family, but really there is one thing being pounded out in my heart and head over and over again. That is this: "Break my heart for what breaks Yours. Everything I am for Your kingdoms cause.." I have prayed this so many times. I know that is a huge reason why I have been blessed with a heart for so many. So many that are hurting, and a huge part of why I wanted to become a social worker... especially in the adoption/foster care realm. Why I break down and cry at all the orphan/Aids/Africa commercials. So many might make fun of me for that.. I do not care. I welcome the teasing. Sometimes even encourage it ;)

Back on topic... my heart hurts for Egypt, but at the same time pictures like the one above make it a sort of beautiful mess. There is always that glimmer, and sliver of hope. Not sure why I used the word "sliver". I detest it so. Right under the "m" word. I continue to pray for that country. For safety and for more moments like those above. I continue to pray for Americans and all over to soften their hearts and to put their political guns back into their holsters for just a bit( I don't want this to be a political thing at all. I hate politics if you must know) To also realize, what they see and hear in the news/media is often tainted, diluted, and/or embellished. I wish people would not forget. Sometimes people are so spoiled with the way we live here, it is hard to even believe that is going on in other parts of the world. We like to turn our heads away and continue to live ignorantly. In all honesty, I try to do just that. Every single day I try to forget and just live my life but, the pounding on my heart and mind just won't let me. So I keep praying. Praying for freedom and deliverance that may or may not come for these beautiful people. My family. God's loves them too you know. And not just the Coptic Christians. Break my heart Lord for what breaks Yours.

Okay, enough ranting and terrible blogging. Update on my family. My mom was able to talk to both of her brothers, my uncles (you re welcome for me stating the obvious), on Friday!! I will not say much to protect privacy. However, they are alive. They are not able to go out of their houses at all. They are allowed to leave by law during the day, but it is just too dangerous right now. They are having so many problems with looters, and people trying to set their houses on fire. They stay inside. They are not allowed by law out at night. It is pretty scary and so sad. Even though the phone and Internet is back up.. it is still shady and not always working. That is all I will say. Thank you again to all that have asked and prayed! It is not forgotten. Keep praying for those who are out there fighting for the freedoms you and I take for granted everyday. Also, keep remembering that until you live there... don't act like you know what is or is not best for the country. Stop being selfish. After all, is this life really just all about America being #1? I would hope not. If so, shame on you. Love.

God calls us to change the way we look at folks. Not to see them as insiders or outsiders, liberals or conservatives. To label is to libel. -Max Lucado

Confessions of an Egyptian...

Video of Protests in Cairo, Egypt

Please watch the video above before reading...

The title of my blog right now seems so ironic seeing as what this post is about. Right now my heart is breaking. My heart is not just breaking because of this being where my mom is from and my family lives, but because a whole nation is in turmoil. People are dying, people are hurting. My heart is also breaking for all the hurtful things people are saying. I have seen and heard people voicing their opinions on this. Many do agree that there needs to be a change. Many have said they need to bomb the entire middle east. many are making light of this issue. Everyone has an opinion. People need to stop talking, and start listening. It is a beauty of this country that we can think, feel and express in the ways we want... but honestly, people are just speaking oh a whim. How about we start asking those who have lived there, or those who are living there what they want. We are trying SO hard to think about this from a Western point of view... that is not how things work over there. Americans can be so ignorant sometimes, and yes that includes me as well. I will be honest, I hate politics, but hearing everything that Hillary Clinton has to say only makes me laugh inside. I am sorry Hillary, no matter how powerful you are to us... do you really think that you, a white, Christian (we are all Christians to them), WOMAN from the U.S. is really going to make them listen to us? No way. This has nothing to do with being a Republican or Democrat.. I am neither. I with a heavy heart must point out, for those who really do not get this... not every Muslim in the Middle East is a terrorist. Sounds silly to even have to mention this, but alas because of people's long lasting ignorance and stupidity.. I do.

On a positive note, I do feel so blessed. My mom and I both have heard from so many in the form of phone calls, texts, and emails from people who care asking about our family. It is so appreciated in this time! My aunt was able to contact one of my uncles a few days ago, but my mom has not been able to talk to them. This should be a time to drive Christian's to their knees to pray.. not try to fix this or bash anyone. This should be a time for Christians, and non-christians alike to do anything OTHER then driving each other apart. Who really knows the right answer to this issue? (Links about the Nashville Egyptian community telling the paper and news how they feel: True Egyptians telling the Tennessean what they want.

Egyptians telling Channel 2 how they feel. ) I can assure you, that the average white American is not who really knows the answer. There are people over there dying, for what you and I have everyday. We might hate our government or our president... but we have never had to know what it is like to have the same president for 30 years. Bush haters.. can you imagine him for 30 years? Obama haters.. can you imagine the same? I know that God is in control of all of this. I have peace, but my heart still breaks for those who are hurting. I feel as though we need to stop trying to fix things. Stop trying to have an opinion. As I was sitting on the couch with my mom last night, watching tears come down her face watching the video of what is going on there, I could not help but think of all the people who came here (like my mom and her family) to escape the troubles and turmoil going on over there. Until one can be there themselves, they have no right to REALLY tell others what to do. Christians should be leaving this in God's hands... and Americans should be doing and helping in constructive ways. The Egyptians are fighting so hard for something they believe in... when was the last time you fought for what you believe in so hard? Or got up for your comfort of luxury and richness? If you had money for lunch today, or if you could walk across the street without hearing gun shots... count yourself blessed. My mom has always told me the story of remembering walking down the street with bombs going off. There may or may not come a time that we have to deal with this here, but most of us do not know how that feels. Talk to the ones that do know. If you don't feel led to help those over seas... no worries... we have enough pain and suffering in our own country.

Praying for Egypt...

More updates....

Released today that the President will not run again for office, but he will stay the rest of his term... more at this link.